13 Ways to Induce Labor

It's been awhile, no?  And, a lot's happened.  While there's almost too much to write about, I'll bring you the highlights from the last (gasp) two months in the next few posts.  Then I'll get back to the adventure found in each new day.

Nine months pregnant: when waddling replaces walking.

This list, originally meant to be a parody of Wallace Stevens "13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird,"* sums up the last week of my pregnancy.  (*Except when I reread this poem, I realized I remembered liking it more than I actually like it.  Hence, not spending the time giving it a shout out via parody.)

1.  Host an open house party.  (Ours involved ice cream.)

2.  Eat take-out Indian food based on the rumor spicy food kicks off contractions.

3.  Go to Babies R Us and casually park in the expectant mother parking.  Who knows how much longer you'll be able to take advantage of this perk.

4.  Take an extra nap just because you're worried you'll never sleep again after your baby's born.

5.  Make a tray of chicken enchiladas for the freezer and eat the other one.  Mexican food qualifies as spicy, right?

6.  Run an errand to the local baby boutique to exchange one item for the same item in another color.  You must coordinate the baby's dirty diaper bags after all.

7.  At the last minute, host overnight a couple who are friends of friends.  Bonus if one guest is also nine months pregnant.

8.  Spend some, um, quality time with Husband.

9.  Walk to the farm truck and carry all of the produce you purchase home.  Extra points if the bags weigh more than the average combined weight of a newborn and a car seat.

10.  Get up in the middle of the night because you feel "weird" and haven't finished recopying your "Books to Check Out" list.  Nursing will be a one-handed activity, right?

11.  Date night with Husband at a fancy Turkish restaurant.  Come on spicy food!

12.  Go to the grocery store so you can waddle around somewhere with air-conditioning.  Park in the "Customers with Infants" parking spaces because you figure you're close enough to meeting the criteria.

13.  Browse a bookstore looking for the perfect notebook to kick off your next project for all of the free time in your life.